life Archives - BrightHill Group

How to be a more effective geek in 2015

I was in trouble

It was my 3rd semester in College. I was in trouble. I was out of money and out of financial aid. I had a cumulative GPA of 1.6. That’s right. Cumulative.

I had started college because my parents (who had dropped out when they were kids) drilled into me how important college was. I went to please them. I went because I believed it would have been a stupid financial decision to try to earn a good living without a college education. I went because I didn’t want to do blue collar work, and all my friends went to college.

Up to that point, I was a classic underachiever. I did just enough to get by. I had never learned how to study. A professor challenged me. She said “Tom, you’re getting a ‘B’ in my class. If you actually showed up for lectures, I’d bet you’d have an ‘A’.”

I replied “what’s wrong with a ‘B?'”

I hadn’t developed the personal discipline to consistently attend class, much less take my education seriously.

I could not afford to continue at the private college. I transferred to a local state school. I moved back in with mom and dad. I bought a clunker to drive (which broke down a lot.) I got a job as a waiter. School didn’t get better. My grades were still bad.

After 2 semesters at the state school, I should have been suspended. I was ready to quit. My dad pushed me to stay in school – even for just one class. He challenged me to call the registrar.

Someone in the registrar’s office messed up. They had never gotten around to processing my academic suspension paperwork. They let me take calculus-based physics 101 (again.)

Over the next few months I worked about 30 hours a week, and commuted 40 minutes each way to class. I think I got a C in Physics. I was exhausted. I was depressed. I was frustrated. I felt stupid. I felt like a failure. I was sick of waiting tables. I was sick of feeling stupid. I was sick of being mad at myself.

Have you met this dog?

There’s an old story about a mailman with a farm on his route.

Every day when he delivers mail to the farm, he sees the farmer’s dog sitting on a porch moaning quietly to himself.

One day the mailman sees the farmer outside and calls him over.

He asks: “Why is your dog lying in the same spot on the porch every day and always moaning?”

The farmer says “Oh. That. There’s a nail sticking out of the porch right there. The dog is sitting on it.”

The mailman asks: “Why doesn’t the dog move?”

“I guess it doesn’t hurt him enough,” the farmer replies.

Up until then I was the dog on the porch. I was moaning about my life, my circumstances, my frustrations and my self-perception. And I was lying on the nail the whole time. I was stuck.

Have you ever been “stuck” at work?

Have you ever been:

Frustrated by political correctness and organizational politics?
Working with bosses and team members who just can’t “get it”?
Have you been too overwhelmed with technical tasks to have time to create elegant, efficient solutions?

Have you ever wondered what it would take to move beyond the churn of short deadlines, small budgets and clueless bosses?

I was in pain

That semester in college was a defining moment in my life. What would I do?

I was in pain – real pain – and finally it hurt enough. I decided to change.

But… how?

I evaluated what I wanted:

to feel more successful,
to get off the hand-to-mouth treadmill of work and classes,
to work in software and tech.

I evaluated the problem: My undergrad degree would be the “ticket” to the kind of life I wanted, but I didn’t know how to “do school.”

I needed help. I searched and found a system that promised results. It was not cheap. I was going to have to take a chance. Take what seemed like a lot of money out of my wallet (I was only earning $2.01/hour plus tips.) Take the risk of failing again. The scariest part – what if I tried it and it didn’t work? I knew what would happen if I didn’t change something. More of the same.

Up to that point I was unwilling to invest in myself – why was I surprised that no one else was willing to do it?

I decided to take a risk by betting on this system.

I was betting on me. I bought the cassette tapes and workbook. I listened to them intently. I looked for ways I could change. The system was full of little tips and tricks to help me get better. I applied what I was learning. I realized that in spite of my brains, and the time I was putting in that I was making a series of small mistakes, and repeating them over and over again.

Getting unstuck

I decided to change. I decided to invest in myself. I decided to set a big goal.

I did it. I went from academic probation to the Dean’s list. From a 1.6 GPA to a 4.0. I made the dean’s list every semester, even while taking more than 20 hours of coursework.

Two years later I graduated from the private college with a cumulative GPA of 3.03 (when you start as low as I did, every 0.3 counts!)

whats the next right step for you to take

You can be a more effective geek in 2015

In 2015, you can be a more effective geek, tech lead or team manager.

Do you know the next right step to take?

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What is your big goal? (What results are you after? I wanted to move to the next level.)
What’s actually happening today? (What is your reality? Mine was I was flunking out of school.)
What is stopping you from getting what you want? (What roadblocks are in your way? I had to learn how to “do” school.)

I help highly technical experts (geeks) find ways to make small tweaks in what they are doing to lead to more success.

Want help with communication?
Want help learning more about influencing people around you (even if they don’t report to you?
Want help leading a team of people who do report to you?
Are you ready to invest in yourself?

That’s what I do for my clients, and I may be able to help you – if you’re ready.

Not sure if you’re ready? Let’s set up a “clarity and focus” call. Send an email to tom@BrightHillGroup.com

In a brief conversation we can figure out whether working with me now is a good idea.

2015 can be your best year ever. Are you ready?

Who is John C Maxwell, and Why Should I Care?

Many times when I tell people I am partnered with John C. Maxwell they say “Interesting. Who is John Maxwell?”

I smile because I remember when I didn’t know who he was.

It was more than 15 years ago when I was first introduced to John.

I was a geek working on technical projects. I had studied my technical discipline (software development) and that had served me well. I had moved up in position through the early part of my career and wanted to learn how to “make the jump” to be more effective. A friend introduced me to John’s book Developing the Leader Within You.

What is Leadership?

In this interview, I answer that question and I talk about three key questions that your team members are dying for you to answer. I also talk about how people who are “just an employee” can improve their influence with others.

Who is John?

John C. Maxwell is the foremost leadership thinker, the most influential leadership speaker in the world. It’s not just my opinion. Ask Inc Magazine. Ask GlobalGurus and any number of other sites. John tops the list year after year as the most influential leadership thinker, trainer and speaker in the world.

He is the author over 70 + books (new one this Wednesday), sold over 24 million books including 2 million copies of “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, that he is by far and away the #1 Leadership Guru in the world (Inc. Magazine and other sources), has been doing it for four decades….

Take a look at the bookshelf from a local Barnes and Noble bookstore.

John’s books start at the end of the top shelf, fill the entire 2nd and continue onto the third. Over 1/15th of the business shelves.

BTW, this picture is less than half of the books he has written, but who is counting?

John has sold more books on leadership than anyone else. Three of his books have sold over a million copies, and he is in the Amazon.com hall of fame as of the top selling authors in history.

So what? Why should I care about John Maxwell?

That is an excellent question. Who cares about leadership? I didn’t think about leadership at all. I thought about:

How my technical skills were amazing, and people should see them, and I should be rewarded for my brilliance, and
How annoying it was that the “real work” was idiotically interrupted for “politics” and “games”

What I learned was that my thinking limited my growth and advancement! I was so focused on technical competence that I overlooked the power of relationships and influence.

Learning from John helped me reframe my thinking and allowed me to achieve so much more!

I grew in my ability to lead myself

I got better at making and keeping commitments.
I became a better communicator
I learned how to DWISIWD – do what I said I would do – because people are watching me all the time to see if my actions match my words – in big and in small things!
I learned how to plan more effectively
I discovered tools to help me get help from others

I grew in my ability to lead others

I learned how to get others to want to help me
I learned how to equip others so that they could perform well
I learned how to grow my team’s effectiveness
Our projects got healthier
Our portfolio of projects got larger
I learned how to build a high performing team from a group of smart individuals
Our team got bigger

I became a leader of leaders

I learned how to help people grow from team member to team leader
I learned how to help people learn to equip others
I learned how to help the entire organization excel by growing leadership skills across technical disciplines

Tom is John’s Partner in the John Maxwell Team

When I learned that I could get to know John, work with his team, and become one of an elite set of leadership speakers, trainers, and coaches; it was an easy choice. John had added so much to me over the years that it was clear how much more I could gain.

So let me ask you: What do you want?

Do you want to communicate more clearly?
Do you want to work more smoothly with team members and customers?
Do you want to get great work from your team (even if they don’t report to you?)
Do you want to get more of the most important work done?
Do you want these things for your team members?

How Can You Get These Results?

You probably don’t have the budget to work directly with John. It’s true. John works with very few organizations these days, and as the worlds #1 leadership guru, he charges a fortune for his time.

You CAN work with me! I help highly technical experts communicate clearly, manage conflict productively, delegate effectively and plan well.

I can bring the best leadership thinking and practical action to you and your teams, and together we can grow your leadership skills and the leadership skills of people around you.

GIVE ME A CALL!

You can reach me at 240-668-4799 or via email at Tom@BrightHillGroup.com

Let’s get started on YOUR leadership journey!

5 Lessons I Learned While Stranding My Whole Family On A Remote Mountain Road

This last week I’ve been on a roadtrip with my family to visit my wife’s aunt and uncle in breathtaking southeastern Colorado.

One night I was walking around in the back yard and got my introduction to the local spring mud.

This stuff is THICK. The soles of my shoes were literally covered with about 2 inches of mud.

After leaving them on the front porch overnight it took a combination of beating them together, scrubbing with a scrub brush, and finally walking through tons of sand to clean the muck out of the crevices.

The Adventure Begins

One of the things my wife wanted to do while we were in this incredible part of our nation was get a view from high on a snow capped mountain peak. As we were planning our outings, we decided to visit the Great Sand Dunes national park.

As I looked at the map, there were 2 possible routes:

104 miles around the mountain on main roads.
30 miles passing directly over the summit of the mountain.

I chose option 2. This would be a major score – a fun run over the mountaintop to a beautiful place.

We struck out across the “county roads.” Here in Colorado these are gravel roads stretching for miles across the valleys. We navigated these unmarked roads, leveraging Google Maps. We found our way across our shortcut to the paved road. Bouyed by that positive experience, we happily turned off the paved road onto another county road headed toward the mountain top.

A Bad Decision?

A short way on this second set of rural roads we encountered some of that Colorado spring mud I mentioned above. The van slid through the sloppy stuff into the deep tire track ruts. As we plowed our way through the sticky mud, the Sprinter van’s traction control light flashed wildly on the dash as the on board computer worked madly to help the rear wheels find some grip.

I’ve driven enough in snow to know that you’re going to be in deep trouble if the vehicle comes to a complete stop going up hill.

No matter how hard I mashed the accelerator to the floor, the van’s computer and transmission overrode my commands in the hopes of not spinning the wheels.

I could feel the van slowing down, and I was getting nervous. Occasionally we would lurch forward a bit as we gained traction only to be shoved into the deep, adhesive mud.

My stress level increased as I could feel Holly’s anxiety increasing. I’m blessed with a wife who generally worries little and loves adventure. When she starts to get nervous, I know I’m in trouble.

As a guy, I want to be adequate – I want to be able to solve problems. I really wanted to please Hollly, and I had DECIDED to go this way, so my pride was on the line, too.

The van’s pace slowed more and more as we progressed up the hill. Inch by inch, we made it through the worst of it.

I felt a deep sense of relief as I watched the color of the road surface change from dark brown to a lighter tan as the dirt contained less and less water. Finally we hit dry enough dirt to shake some mud off the tires and proceed.

My anxiety level dropped a bit until Holly suggested

“Tom, maybe this is a bad idea. I wonder if we might get stuck here on this road…”

In my heart, I knew she was right. If I was willing to be honest with myself, I wanted to turn around – but have I mentioned that these roads are REALLY narrow? I just didn’t see any way I’d be able to turn the van around, and based on what just happened, I was terrified that I’d get stuck blocking the road. In addition, my pride was at stake, and I couldn’t admit defeat.

I defensively snapped back at Holly

“Look, we made it this far. There’s no way to turn around here, and I bet it’s going to dry out as we get further up the mountain.”

She didn’t like the idea and she didn’t like my response. The stress level went up – for both of us.

We kept going a few more miles – realizing just how remote this road really was – winding through the valleys and climbing higher up the mountain. The views were beautiful, and Holly said

“Gee, I bet no one uses this road at all.” Not very comforting.

About the time we passed the reservoir we hit another long slog of mud. I sped up to get a running start and the van jerked to a crawl as we dropped into the ruts in the road. Again the van’s traction control light flashed madly. This time, I completely lost control of my steering – no matter what direction I pointed the wheels, I was powerless to move the van left or right.

The van gradually slowed. Holly said

“Tom, are you slowing down on purpose?”

My adrenaline level peaked, my stress level hit 100% and I was scared. What had I done?

“OF COURSE I’M NOT SLOWING DOWN ON PURPOSE!”

Eventually, predictably the van stopped moving forward. I tried backing downhill a bit only to slide uncontrollably into the ditch on the side of the road. There was no question – this was it. I was not going to be able to get myself out of this one.

My wife and 7 kids were in the middle of NOWHERE because of my choices. As far as I could tell, we were about to be stranded, and it was all my fault. Worse than that, I was powerless to “fix it.”

Cell phones don’t work this far away from civilization. There was no good place to walk along this road – and the thought of leaving Holly and the kids while I walked miles to a stranger’s house to beg for help was NOT appealing.

I got out of the van to survey the damage. I was stuck. No doubt about it. NOW what was I going to do? I was going to have to admit I was wrong – admit it to myself and (more painfully) I would have to admit it to Holly.

What Are My Key Learnings From This?

It’s a good idea to do some research before using a VERY remote road.
When my wife offers input on rethinking a decision, I probably need to go along with her plan.
My pride is less important than I think it is. Holly (and the kids) already knew I’d blown it – and I’d probably have been better off to “cut my losses.” It’s valuable for them to know that *I* know I’ve dropped the ball
I’m naturally optimistic – and sometimes I bite off more than I can chew.
I needed to apologize to Holly for snapping at her. My stress is no excuse to be rude to her.

So What Happened NEXT?

Thankfully, a few minutes after we got completely stuck, a group of off-road enthusiasts came by and offered to help us.

They generously hooked up a chain to the eye bolt I screwed into the tow point on the front of the van, and then the nice guy in the lifted Dodge 4×4 pulled Big Blue (our Sprinter) through the muck to the top of the hill to the ONLY decent turnaround I’d seen on the whole trip.

As I was getting towed out of my predicament, one of the folks helping informed me that the spring muds on that road get MUCH worse than that as you get closer to the summit, and there are 8 river crossings between where I was and the dunes. Some of the river crossings are 30″ (or more) deep!

(Perhaps #6 on my list above should be “don’t competely trust Google maps for navigation!”)

Thankfully we were able to slide our way downhill through the slimy sticky mud and back to the paved roads. We returned to our home base for a bathroom break, and then headed out “the long way” to the Great Sand Dunes.

The day was salvaged, and I’m glad to have picked up a few things from my experience.

Let Me Ask You

Have you ever been in a place where you made a judgment call that turned out to be wrong and it left others hanging?
Have you let your pride hang you out to dry?
What did you do about it?

Connecting is about others – and I BLEW it!

Today’s Story

Last night my eight year old daughter suggested a family walk, and as four of us set out she asked: “Dad, can you talk to me on our walk tonight? You usually just talk to mom, not me.”OUCH! It’s true. Most of the time when Holly and I go for a walk we use that time to catch up with each other.
Feeling guilty (because I really want to be connected to my little girl, and I know I’ve been dropping the ball) I decided to talk to her.
I started talking about the home renovations we are planning and the difference between sewers and septic systems.
Shortly after I began, she abandoned the conversation to ride her brother’s bike.
Watching this unfold, Holly observed:
“Tom, you’re a professional at this? You know this would make a great story for your to tell.”
Holly is right (as usual.)

Action Point

Connecting is all about others. What did Stephanie want to talk about? The only way to find out was to ask, and then listen!On the way home I made a point to ask her about her day. I listened attentively as she shared her experience in the Easter kid’s choir with me, and then told me about her achievements in a spelling game she had been playing.
Thanks to Holly, I think I recovered from that screwup.

Going deeper

Quick video: 6 Ways to Make People Like You
Bob Burg’s book “Endless Referrals”
John Maxwell’s Winning with People
Or, Give me a call! I can help you with this!

One Final Thought

Who do you want to connect with? What interests them? Where do they put their time, money and passion?
Some great topics to ask about are
Family
Occupation
Recreation
Message/Mission

Have you tried this? What happened? Send me an email to tell me about it. (Good or bad.)

My team is just…stupid! Is yours?

This is the last in my series of blogs covering leadership lessons from Scout Camp. I had the opportunity to spend a few days with a fantastic group of young men who are growing up to learn how to be strong leaders and achievers. It’s a beautiful thing.

In Boy Scouts, the adult leaders establish safe boundaries and then let the boys run the activities. Our vision is to provide a place where boys can “fail safe” – that they can try out new skills, succeed, fail, learn, and try again – but not in a way that endangers them. The boys organize into smaller groups called patrols and the patrols work together to accomplish the goals for the entire troop.

As leaders, we provide a learning lab for them, and they run experiments in leadership, projects, collaboration, and skills development all while having a GREAT time. (Mostly.)

This mostly part leads me to the story of David. David is a young scout. He’s just getting started in learning about collaboration, compromise, and influence. He’s smart – perhaps too smart for his own good. He’s got a LOT to learn about how to influence others.

I can relate. As a boy I was a bit of an “old soul.” I got along better to adults than I did with my peers. My interests and vocabulary were different from boys my age. I was a very strong learner of facts. Unfortunately that knowledge didn’t come with wisdom. I wanted to let others know just how much I knew. I had a quick and sharp tongue. If that meant that you ended up looking less competent or more ignorant, well whose fault was that?

I see a lot of those same characteristics in David. He is capable, and does have a lot to offer. Unfortunately like many young men, he’s also pretty “me focused” and tends to overlook the impact his plans have on others. Which leads to great frustration and pain. Apparently it leads to “stupid” patrols, too!

In a moment of significant frustration with his peers, David came to the leaders and announced:

“My patrol is stupid.”

He was really upset with them. We looked into it and it turned out that David was insisting that everyone do it his way, or not at all. The other boys in the patrol were willing to work with him, but David refused every other idea. I think that what David was really saying was “I’m not getting what I want, and I don’t know what to do about it, so I’ll criticize the other guys.”

Let me ask you:

At work, do you deal with anyone who is “just…stupid”?
Is there someone on your team (or another team) who behaves in a way that makes no sense and makes your job harder?
Is there any way you can learn about their interests and needs?
Might there be a way you could compromise with them?

Getting back to David. He will get there. Sometimes the most valuable leadership lessons come from the toughest experiences. I’m confident he has a bright future, even if his current patrol is “stupid.” His leaders are on his side and will help him become the leader that we can see him become!

"You are the worst….ever!"

I didn’t know it ahead of time, but I was in a “leadership development laboratory last week.” I spent time at Scout Camp with my oldest son. We had a blast. What surprised me was the set of leadership growth experiences I was able to participate in, and to observe.

One of the activities this week involved the rifle range. Boy Scouts provides a safe place to help boys understand the danger of firearms and how to use them safely and responsibly. On the range, boys take turns firing a set of rounds at small paper targets 50 feet away. They can do it from a seated or a prone position. To help with accurate shooting, shooters can stabilize their weapons on wooden blocks or on sandbags.

Which brings us to today’s story. One of the young scouts selected a wooden block to stabilize his rifle. Unfortunately he didn’t notice that the sandbag had fallen off the platform and was in the direct line of fire of his rifle.

The small .22 caliber bullet easily passed through the burlap and sand to head toward the target, but in its wake it destroyed the sandbag and covered the rifle and shooter in a mist of sand. Sand or dirt in a firearm is a dangerous thing, and that meant this rifle would have to be disassembled and cleaned before it could be used again.

The man in charge of the range (the range master) was furious. I think he was embarrassed that

He allowed the boy to do something unsafe,
He allowed the boy to unwittingly endanger others,
That rifle now needed another thorough cleaning, and
Everyone at the range could see what had happened.

In his embarrassment and anger he did something that I probably have done before. (OK I’ve done this far more than I want to admit.) He allowed his anger to boil over as he shouted at the boy.

“You did what? How could you do that?”
“You. Are. The. Worst. Shot. I. Have. Ever. Seen!”

Dale Carnegie said

“Give a dog a bad name, and you might as well hang him.”

Carnegie’s point is that once you tell yourself that a dog is a bad dog, you start to tell others, and the dog himself how bad he is. Once the dog thinks of himself as a bad dog, there’s no way you can have him be good for anything.

That’s true for people, too. I’m sure that the scout was embarrassed that he made a mistake, that he made a mess, that he created work for the range master and his crew, and that he had accidentally done something dangerous.

Maya Angelou said:

“People never forget how you make them feel.”

I can’t help but wonder how that boy felt when the authoritative range master called him out and gave him a bad name in front of everyone at the range. Will that boy ever go to the range without thinking about that mistake? Will he even go back to the range at all? If he goes back, will he be able to work without thinking that maybe he really is the word shot in the world?

People never forget how you make them feel. I can totally relate to being frustrated, embarrassed and angry. I can even identify with letting my anger boil over and yelling at someone. That doesn’t make it right, but I can easily see how it happens.

What are you letting yourself do?
How do your team members feel about it?
About you?
About themselves?
What is that doing to your team’s effectiveness?

How can you overlook errors and praise progress in your team?

What’s one thing that you can do differently based on this story?

240-668-4799