Leadership coaching for software development managers
Conflict
Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Dale Carnegie
#LeadOthers
It’s not about the issue.
People never forget how you make them feel.
– Even if he is a jerk.
– Even if she is a “B” player.
– Especially if they don’t report to you.
Don’t make it out to be a big deal.
The relationship is more important than the issue.
Make it seem easy for them to fix it.
Delegation:
When they can do it 80% as well as you
Hand it off!
#LeadOthers
If you wait until they can do it perfectly, you’ll never be able to stop.
Want more time in your calendar?
Hand off, train, support them.
It’s a process. Start today!
Want to have less conflict?
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. They will appreciate you, and you might learn something!
#LeadOthers
People need to be heard.
1. Listen to what they say.
2. Repeat back.
3. Ask: is there anything else?
It really works!
#LeadOthers
Give this a shot. Try it with a “difficult” person. See what happens!
I didn’t know it ahead of time, but I was in a “leadership development laboratory last week.” I spent time at Scout Camp with my oldest son. We had a blast. What surprised me was the set of leadership growth experiences I was able to participate in, and to observe.
One of the activities this week involved the rifle range. Boy Scouts provides a safe place to help boys understand the danger of firearms and how to use them safely and responsibly. On the range, boys take turns firing a set of rounds at small paper targets 50 feet away. They can do it from a seated or a prone position. To help with accurate shooting, shooters can stabilize their weapons on wooden blocks or on sandbags.
Which brings us to today’s story. One of the young scouts selected a wooden block to stabilize his rifle. Unfortunately he didn’t notice that the sandbag had fallen off the platform and was in the direct line of fire of his rifle.
The small .22 caliber bullet easily passed through the burlap and sand to head toward the target, but in its wake it destroyed the sandbag and covered the rifle and shooter in a mist of sand. Sand or dirt in a firearm is a dangerous thing, and that meant this rifle would have to be disassembled and cleaned before it could be used again.
The man in charge of the range (the range master) was furious. I think he was embarrassed that
In his embarrassment and anger he did something that I probably have done before. (OK I’ve done this far more than I want to admit.) He allowed his anger to boil over as he shouted at the boy.
“You did what? How could you do that?”
“You. Are. The. Worst. Shot. I. Have. Ever. Seen!”
Dale Carnegie said
“Give a dog a bad name, and you might as well hang him.”
Carnegie’s point is that once you tell yourself that a dog is a bad dog, you start to tell others, and the dog himself how bad he is. Once the dog thinks of himself as a bad dog, there’s no way you can have him be good for anything.
That’s true for people, too. I’m sure that the scout was embarrassed that he made a mistake, that he made a mess, that he created work for the range master and his crew, and that he had accidentally done something dangerous.
Maya Angelou said:
“People never forget how you make them feel.”
I can’t help but wonder how that boy felt when the authoritative range master called him out and gave him a bad name in front of everyone at the range. Will that boy ever go to the range without thinking about that mistake? Will he even go back to the range at all? If he goes back, will he be able to work without thinking that maybe he really is the word shot in the world?
People never forget how you make them feel. I can totally relate to being frustrated, embarrassed and angry. I can even identify with letting my anger boil over and yelling at someone. That doesn’t make it right, but I can easily see how it happens.
How can you overlook errors and praise progress in your team?
What’s one thing that you can do differently based on this story?
Back in the days when I was a manager overseeing tech folks, a team member came to me about a training class she wanted to take.
It was relevant to her work, and we had the budget to do it. She was hard working and smart, and I wanted to keep her, but I said no. Why?
As a boss I had spent a lot of money over the years sending people to training classes which were a total waste of time and money.
I have since learned the key to making training programs an incredible investment for companies, and learned exactly what I had been doing wrong.
The goal of training is:
We’re talking about getting people to change what they DO after a class.
According to persuasion expert Dr. BJ Fogg of Stanford University, there are three elements in getting people to change.
WII-FM
Everyone’s favorite radio station is WII-FM – “What’s In It For Me?”
Why do they want these new skills? What do they want? How will having these skills help them get it? What’s wrong with what they are doing now?
This is what most training programs focus on. Specific skills in a particular area. Most of the time training companies do a decent job of this – but not always. It’s a good idea to make sure that the topics are relevant and that there’s a refund policy if the class doesn’t deliver the value promised.
I have rarely seen any formal system or program to help team members with this part of the puzzle. We all know that accountability matters. Having someone who can help you overcome your resistance and to whom you are accountable makes the difference between success and failure.
Champion athletes do this. Weight Watchers has used this principle to build an almost $2B business. It works.
We have an easy answer!
We offer a system tuned to adult learners – triggers to help them remember what they were supposed to be doing, accountability programs and support with open Q&A to help them firm up their grasp on those new skills.
Back to the story
Getting back to my team member, six months before her request I had sent her to a different class. After that class I didn’t see her apply a single thing that was supposed to have been taught in the class!
I had observed this with her before, too. I think that I failed her. I don’t think that anyone had ever set an expectation for her that she would be held accountable to USE the skills taught in the class. I had that expectation in my mind, but I didn’t communicate that to her – until I told her why I was saying no.
Without a comprehensive system of Motivation, Ability, and Triggers, you’re probably wasting those training dollars.
Give me a call to talk about how I can help you with
We offer a powerful system that will equip your team with skills and empower them to perform in amazing ways.