BrightHill Group

240-668-4799

Schedule a call

Leadership coaching for software development managers

You are here: Home / Archives for Coaching

You just don’t care, do you?

by Leave a Comment

Think about others 
People never forget
how you make them feel.
#LeadOthers

IMG_4166.JPG

How others feel matters.
Even if you have to communicate bad news, think about ways to soften the blow.

Many of my clients are like “just the facts” Joe Friday. Sure, facts are facts, but we don’t work with facts. We work with people.

Think about the other guy.
What is he thinking about?
What is he worried about?
What does he need to get his work done?
What does his boss want from him?

Then craft your message based on what you know about him and his needs?

Is this a lot of work? Maybe, but you’ll get far better performance from team members when you make the investment.

#LeadOthers

Connecting is about others – and I BLEW it!

by Leave a Comment

Today’s Story

Isaac and Stephanie yogurt - Version 2

Last night my eight year old daughter suggested a family walk, and as four of us set out she asked: “Dad, can you talk to me on our walk tonight?  You usually just talk to mom, not me.”OUCH!  It’s true. Most of the time when Holly and I go for a walk we use that time to catch up with each other.

Feeling guilty (because I really want to be connected to my little girl, and I know I’ve been dropping the ball) I decided to talk to her.

I started talking about the home renovations we are planning and the difference between sewers and septic systems.

Shortly after I began, she abandoned the conversation to ride her brother’s bike.

Watching this unfold, Holly observed:
“Tom, you’re a professional at this? You know this would make a great story for your to tell.”
Holly is right (as usual.)

 

Action Point

Connecting is all about others.  What did Stephanie want to talk about?  The only way to find out was to ask, and then listen!On the way home I made a point to ask her about her day.  I listened attentively as she shared her experience in the Easter kid’s choir with me, and then told me about her achievements in a spelling game she had been playing.

Thanks to Holly, I think I recovered from that screwup.

Going deeper

One Final Thought

Who do you want to connect with?  What interests them?  Where do they put their time, money and passion?
Some great topics to ask about are

  • Family
  • Occupation
  • Recreation
  • Message/Mission
Have you tried this?  What happened?  Send me an email to tell me about it. (Good or bad.)

How to prepare to fix it when you're wrong….

by Leave a Comment

I recently attended a discussion led by Steve Gladis addressing the idea that we need to have a framework for “Tough Talks” – conversations to resolve relational conflicts.

Our cultural struggle with this negatively impacts business to the tune of billions of dollars a year, and leads to dramatic frustration and stress just tiptoe-ing around the elephant in the room.

Painfully, today I had a reminder of how easy it is to make a mistake.   I mis-communicated with two colleagues – I made an honest mistake, and ended up wasting their time.

Now what?  How do I fix it?  I can’t replace their time, but I need to make amends. Dr. Gladis offered a framework to address when others let us down, and two words stuck with to me:
“Humility” and “initiative”

Humility – How can I demonstrate humility?  Clearly this was my fault, even though I didn’t intend to do it – that’s really not the point.  From their perspective, the outcome is as if I did it on purpose.

First I can acknowledge my fault to myself.  I can admit that I did it.

Then I can be ready to admit it to them.  Humility doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself, it mostly means just thinking of yourself less often.  If I’m going to think about their perspective, I can be ready to admit fault.

Initiative – What will I do about it?   In this case, I was intentional to reach out to each of them to admit my mistake, to identify with the frustration and wasted time I caused, and then in writing, specifically asked each of them to forgive me.

As a leader, humility and initiative are key parts of Raising Your Game.

Subscribe to Raising Your Game by Email

Do you leave space for other leaders? (A cautionary tale)

by Leave a Comment

This week I attended a great presentation at the Capital Technology Management Hub where Frank Strickland spoke about corporate culture and developing leaders.  One of the takeaways for me was “leave space for other leaders.”

The Story

At the end of a long project, the technical lead sent out a notice that the last major milestone of a project was completed on schedule.   

I was not the key leader in charge of this effort, and yet I was appreciative of the work that was done by the project team.

When I read the update email, it felt like the project communication was…. incomplete.  The project manager recognized his directs and otherwise engaged people on the extended team, and noted all of the relevant facts.  It was a solid “status” note, but it lacked the bigger picture that (according to my leader’s intuition) was needed. 

I took a moment and drafted a reply to the same crew who had received the original missive, putting some organizational context around the project and thanking the team for their efforts.  I think it was a good note.

The Theft

Unfortunately it only occurred to me later that I had stolen something important from another key leader in the organization – the opportunity to do exactly what I had done – except that leader is closer in accountability to the delivery team, and that message would have been more potent and more relevant. 

In fact, that leader did take the time to author a significant note to the team leader and the team members.  But I had “stolen the thunder” because I was ready to act immediately.

The Lesson

So – let me ask you:  Do you give enough space to other leaders to express their leadership, or does your leader’s penchant for action based on your intuition drive you to do what’s “needed?” 

If you’re the “only one” who does such things in your organization, perhaps that’s because no one else has been given the room to do it. 

Note to self – next time, wait – you can count on other leaders to do great things – if they have room enough to do them!

Thinking strategically about how to let other leaders lead is a key part of “Raising Your Game”

Subscribe to Raising Your Game by Email

Networking: Is it selfish?

by Leave a Comment

I recently saw a blog entry entitled “Networking means you’re looking to use people to achieve selfish goals, or opportunistically ask people for help”

Does that ruffle your feathers?  It does mine.  Networking can be selfish, but it’s very short sighted to see it that way.  It also doesn’t “work” for long.  People soon figure out you’re all about you, and they’re not too inclined to help the next time you need something.

Let me tell you a quick story about networking. 

The other day I was chatting with a friend about business.  He and I are in different fields.   There’s little chance that his needs and my services are likely to overlap – or vice versa.  Just two friends chatting about current happenings in our lives and business.  This is the model that Rabbi Lapin talks about in his excellent book Thou Shall Prosper.

During our conversation I casually mentioned some help I received.  I said “I have this friend who used to own an office supply company and he’s been connecting me with some terrific business people in my area.”  My friend suddenly was very focused on my end of the conversation – he said “Wait.  Does that guy still have any contacts in office supplies?”

It turned out that he was looking for 1,000 dry erase markers for a project in his business and had been having difficulty finding a source for them.  There was no reasonable way that I might have either anticipated that he needed that, or that I should make a connection between my friends and their needs. 

I believe that business is about serving others.  If you serve others well it significantly increases the chances that you’ll profit over the long haul.

The story has a happy ending – I was able to connect my friends and they worked out a win-win deal.

You never know what connections you can make – adding value to each of your contacts  – unless you talk about what you’re working on.

Simple, but profound.

Was that selfish?  What did I gain from that?  The pleasure of having served two others.  Was that selfish?  You make the call.

What did they gain?  New business contacts and one got resources he needed and the other got an easy sale.

Making connections and adding value to others is a part of Raising Your Game.

Subscribe to Raising Your Game by Email

Contact Me

BrightHill Group
240-668-4799

PO Box 1561
Harrisburg NC 28075

info@BrightHillGroup.com