In the early days of my marriage I quickly learned how easy it is to mis-communicate with someone!
If you find yourself not understanding someone, have you asked them to explain? Did you listen when they spoke? Are you sure you heard them? Are you sure you understood?
3 steps to better listening:
- Focus your attention on the other person and ask for the explanation.
- Repeat back to them what they just said and ask “Is that right?”
- Ask “Is there anything else?”
- Focus your attention on the other person and ask for the explanation.The world is filled with all sorts of distractions – from TV to a ringing telephone to text messages and emails. Shut them out.Stephen Covey said it well:“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”
Let’s take a scenario where a prospective client has asked for your services, but before you work out exactly what they need, he tells you that you need to submit a price for the work. How can you accurately price the work before knowing the scope? Why would he ask for something so dumb?
“Can you explain why you need cost of the proposal before we completely define the project plan?”
“Before I can get funding for a project, I need to fill out a project justification form and take it to management. They need the cost of the project to determine if there’s enough budget to go around to fund it.”
- Repeat back to them what they just said and ask “Is that right?”This may seem awkward, and it is hard to do something that feels unnatural, but it’s important.It still surprises me how often my wife says: “No. That’s not what I said.”Repeating back accomplishes two important items:a) It assures you that you really did understand what they saidb) It assures them that you really did understand what they said
“So you’re saying that you need the price now because your management needs to review the cost against available budget before approving the project. Is that right?”
“Yes”
- Ask “Is there anything else?”This lets the other person know that you are making it a priority to hear them – really hear them.
“Great. Thank you for explaining that. Is there anything else you need from me to complete your project request?”
“No. I can get it done once you give me the price.”
At this point you can ask more about the process – including whether there’s a change order process, or if the first price you provide needs to be fixed, or if you can revise your price after getting budget approval.
Give it a shot. While the initial discussions may go more slowly than you’d like, I think you’ll be be surprised at how rarely you’ll need to go back to “clarify” what someone said.
You’ll also improve your relationships. Better relationships lead to more business over the long haul.
Listening well is an important part of raising your game.
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