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You are here: Home / From Difficult to Delighted

From Difficult to Delighted

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Quick Summary

We all have to work with people who sometimes make us… crazy.  What can we do about it?  In this presentation, I help participants to examine those really difficult people and look for ways to hack their own psychology, and the psychology of that annoying jerk to improve communication and working together.  Attendees will leave with some specific tools they can use, and an understanding of what causes them to fall into the trap, as well as how to avoid those relational traps at work.

Presentation Outline

  1. Are (some) people just impossible jerks? – There are, statistically speaking, some jerks – but most of the time we can find productive ways to work with even the most demanding customers or team members.
  2. Why dealing with people is different from dealing with technology.  Most technology has a really short lifespan.  The things that we learn about tech only last a year or two before we have to learn something new.  The good news about dealing with people is that once you learn some key principles of dealing with people, you can apply them over and over again for the rest of your life.
  3. We can’t make them help, but what if they wanted to help us? Most people are busy focused on the things that matter to them.  If we can align what they want with what we want, they will WANT to help us achieve our goals.
  4. How the “Bozo bit” may be blocking your ability to work with them. If we decide that someone is a Bozo (we flip that bit “on”) then everything they say is filtered with “but a bozo said that.”  What if you could turn that bit off?  What would happen to your communication?
  5. Hacking into behavioral psychology is a win for them AND a win for you.  Most of the time, these principles have a huge return on investment for both parties.  It turns out that even if the other person won’t change at all  – WE benefit from the brain chemicals we unlock when we use this new approach.

The principles of human interaction are learnable and very valuable.  Most of us have just never studied them.  We can take advantage of some “hacks” that improve our working relationship with even the most frustrating coworkers.

Target Audience

These ideas apply to everyone who has coworkers, team members or clients who are frustrating and difficult.  However, this presentation is best received by geeks  – whether they are engineers, software developers, enterprise architects, technicians or leaders of those teams.  I have tailored this message so that highly technical experts will appreciate and value the ideas.  I’ve delivered this to software developers, agile practitioners, business analysts and accounting professionals.

Possible Formats

This presentation can be delivered as a keynote, workshop, or half-day seminar. Keynotes can range from 30–70 minutes, depending on your needs. The ideal keynote length is one hour.

Intended Outcomes

  • Audience members will be inspired when they realize that most of the time it is possible to engage productively with even the most intractable team members.
  • They will begin to reflect on their own patterns of thinking and communication styles – seeing ways that they have unintentionally contributed to the challenges that they have been facing.
  • They will have specific ideas that they can use to improve relationships, communication and collaboration with others.

Topic Authority

  • I’ve worked with geeks for more than 30 years now.  I understand how they think, how they solve problems, how they relate (and how they don’t) to others.
  • As an executive coach, I’ve worked with highly technical experts in a variety of fields, helping them discover these ideas and how to implement them in productive ways.  My clients have had great successes with this.
  • As a Founding Partner in the John Maxwell team, for the last several years I have been an executive coach working with teams in multi-billion dollar companies and have seen over and over again how implementation of these principles transforms culture and addresses key challenges that people are facing every day.

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Other Presentations

  • Everyone Communicates, Few Connect
  •  Too Busy To Plan
  •  Delegation: The 30% solution
  •  Why Won’t They Listen To Me?
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Select me as your speaker and I will give you amazing effort. I'll offer you a simple process, not a project. I'll help you achieve your goals. I win when you're blown away by the experience of working with me.

What Others Are Saying

"I really enjoy working with Tom because he's practical and down to earth. He's very engaging, and brings good content and an entertaining presentation. I will certainly call him again in the future"

Erin Kwon - NC SHRM program organizer

"Fast paced, engaged me, importance of connecting to get more of what I need” “I thought it was powerful"

Kim Lanphear - Executive Director

"Highly recommend Tom to speak to your group" "Great session"

Jessica Manzo - American Airlines

"Very interactive" - "I thought that everyone [already] knew what I needed""I really liked it" "simple, digestible" "All of a sudden I can get things done better"

Attendee comments from PMI GCNA2015


"Simple, easy steps" "tools to communicate with technical staff"


Tiffany Evans - SMPS organizer

"It was simple, to the point" "You really brought out a lot of different ideas"

Tom Bach - Engineer - City of Concord NC

"Great job"
“Tom reminded us of the things that are most important"


Fred Starling - NCSHRM 2016 Conferee

"Tom brought a lot of enthusiasm and new ideas" "A lot of good takeaways we can use"

Dee Ann Guthrie - President Professional Engineers of NC

About Me

I’m Tom Cooper.
I work with leaders and teams, helping them communicate clearly, delegate effectively, manage conflict in a healthy way and plan well. I speak, coach and publish a podcast focused on helping solve key problems faced by smart people who want to excel.

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