How’s your engine?
A friend once was on a road trip and her car’s temperature gauge kept climbing. As she kept driving, the needle pointed to the red zone. Eventually a light came on, and she kept driving. As you might imagine, shortly after that, she needed to buy a new car. She missed the indicators, and it had a big consequence.
Do you see the lights?
I recently met with a client who was in trouble. She told me that her boss said she was doing a terrible job of communicating.
My boss says it’s my tone and word choice, but I really don’t know what he means. Why can’t he be more specific?
Just like warning lights on your cars dashboard, people give you indicators. Not specific warning lights, but just as useful. She was missing the indicators.
What do they look like?
At another firm, I worked with the senior leadership team.
One of the lead guys is a hard core scientist-type. As we talked about communication challenges on the leadership team, he sat with his arms folded across his chest.
One of the other leaders said “Why are you so opposed to this? You’ve been sitting there with your arms folded the whole time!”
His response? “What? You’re looking at nonverbal communication? Seriously?”
In the leader’s case above, he did not MEAN to send a negative message – he was comfortable with his arms folded. He was not aware (or didn’t care) that this had a negative effect on others.
Here are some indicators you might want to look for when you’re talking.
Does the other person:
- Sigh?
- Glance at their watch repeatedly?
- Looking at phone/computer instead of looking at you?
- Fold their arms when you bring up ideas?
- Fail to make eye contact?
- Lean away from you when you’re talking?
- Change the subject after you start talking?
Now what?
Now that you know what to look for – what do you do when you see it?
When my friend was driving and the temperature indicator showed increasing temperature – it was a warning. If she had understood the meaning of it, she could have made different choices.
When you see the warning signs, it’s a good opportunity to say
I think I see a warning light. I’m guessing that we’re not connecting. What information do you need? Is there something that I need to know?
Then be quiet and LISTEN.
You might find out that your engine is overheating!
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