Update: This has been one of my most popular posts. While Hyatt’s article summarized below is about addressing a problem with someone who reports to you, one problem that repeatedly comes up is how to deal with a peer who is disrespectful.
If that’s your situation, check out Season 2 Episode 4 of Becoming a Geek Leader. That page has a free helpful worksheet to guide you through the process and a full transcript of the episode, too
This week as I’ve worked with clients, I’ve heard stories about challenges with disrespect. These stories remind me of the time that I had a direct scream at a peer on another team. He was frustrated with her and decided that a tirade was the appropriate response. I learned of this when Sally’s manager called me. Sally’s manager said that Joe* had screamed at Sally* in the middle of the office, and that Sally was shaken, and VERY upset. What was I going to do about it? I had not heard about it until then. I was embarrassed that one of my team members had done that. It was inexcusable!
Michael Hyatt recently posted a podcast episode on “Why You Must Confront Seemingly Indispensable but Disrespectful Team Members”
I think it’s a must-listen, and wanted to summarize his main points here.
- Get clear in your thinking. Did they really cross the line this time? Is this worth risking *your* job?
- Count the cost. – This is a “bet your job” moment – A test of your leadership.
- Secure your supervisor’s support. Make sure that your boss sees that the offender is hurting the whole team, and that you plan to peacefully resolve the issue – but if you cannot you will terminate the offender for cause. Without that support, you’ll resign.
- Confront the disrespectful employee quickly. Let them know that disagreements are ok, but you cannot and will not tolerate disrespectful employees. They have two options – apologize to you and everyone who witnessed the behavior, or you’ll terminate them for cause. Period. Whatever you do in this situation will affect your reputation with your team.
- Give the offender time to think about it, and a deadline. Tell the offender that you want him to take the next 24 hours to think about it and then you expect an answer.
As Hyatt says, this is a test of your leadership, and you’d better believe that people are watching. Either way, it affects your credibility as a leader.
These are great tips, and I strongly suggest that you leverage them to your advantage!
What do you think? Have you ever had an issue with a disrespectful team member? Please post a comment below!
PS – Some of you may be wondering what happened with Joe and Sally. It’s a long story, but I did manage to confront Joe about it. Joe had lots of issues in his personal life which affected his judgment, but regardless this was unacceptable. He agreed to apologize to Sally, and she was willing to let it go. I had to re-assign someone else to work with her. Unfortunately that was just one in a long string of issues with Joe. Eventually Joe ended up leaving the company.
*names changed
I’m an engineer by profession and head of automobile/marine workshop. My immediate subordinate is technical officer (TO)and then supervisor(sup) and the staff. once I ordered to perform a task which they’ve performed previously, TO disagrees to perform it. supervisor did the same thing and the whole team. I got angry with the situation as they have no valid reason to disagree except they don’t like to perform that duty. (The duty was supervising a mobile crane operation – operator and labor will be provided for the job. only need to supervise the job) I informed to my boss and initially he made a notice to all team including TO, that terminates all overtime payments starting from next day. (their salary consist more overtime than basic). My boss made that notice through me and I gave it to my staff. Then My supervisor behaved in such a way that disrespect me and shouted loudly in front of others. I didn’t mind that and kept my cool.
But the next day morning, my boss had arrange a meeting with everyone in the team without me to discuss this issue and in that discussion, they’ve agreed to do the same task I asked to do.
I wrote a letter to my boss that mentioning disrespectful behavior of supervisor towards me in front of others and I don’t want to work with him or this team. I’m confident that without me, my boss cannot perform a special lifting job with mobile cranes and he will never take the responsibility of selecting lifting gears and lifting methods. But without my supervisor, we can perform all maintenance works of automobiles and mobile crane operations.
Still no action has been taken for my complaint and I also not involved with Mobile cranes. But my boss forcing me to do the works. I overlook several workshops and currently work with them as previously and din’t involve with automobile team.
Need your suggestions to solve the problem.
That sounds frustrating. Can you answer some questions for me?
Does the supervisor report directly to you, or to someone else?
Why did your boss terminate OT payments? Was that in response to your concerns?
What kind of response did your boss give to the letter you wrote?
I hate confrontation, but I also want to be a good leader if I am ever in that position on a team. It does seem like a good idea for me to do what you suggested and tell them that disagreements are okay but being disrespectful isn’t. It does seem like a good thing to be aware of when you need to get the situation under control without being too hurtful.